Advice | Carolyn Hax: Teen girl is’ angry’ about all household travel plans

Oh, Carolyn: My girl does not want to go somewhere. She had a great time and was excited about a school trip to Europe, at least no with her parents and relatives. I suggest street visits, visits with family out of position, amusement parks, beaches, hills— and all are met with a comment that ranges from “meh” to “ugh”. We finally have the resources to spend some quality time on vacation, and I’m hoping to give her some interesting experiences before she departs for college in a few years. However, it does n’t seem fun for anyone to spend a lot of money on a trip only to have her grumpy and rolling her eyes the entire time. She is now claiming that she does n’t really want to take family vacations to other states. My aunt already complains that my aunt’s house is boring and does n’t have good WiFi, which is annoying because we want to go to the beach with our family this summer and visit her along the way. I want to respect her wishes, but I also do n’t believe that she should be in charge of making travel decisions when she’s 15 years old. What to do? — AnonymousAnonymous: Recognize that you’ve entered your awkward phase. It’s when everything you do, say, think, wear, breathe or chew is awkward for your adolescent child. The majority of parents of teenagers attend, if not all of them, so I assume you and anyone else who has ever seen a film were aware of this coming. Therefore, I might have to make it clear that even cool travel cannot guarantee an exemption. Skip to the end of the carouselCaroline HaxEnd of the carouselYour next move is to embrace it. Without you, your child is trying to understand who she really is. You’re allowing her to experience that emotional separation in a wonderful way. Next, decide how that will look in your family. A parent wants to be “in the driver’s seat” of the family, of course. However, you do n’t have to say that you have an agenda for your travels and that she will approve of it. That is one way to seize the wheel, sure, but there are others. You can choose your battles, too: Perhaps the window on the bougie holiday card photo at a resort is closed ( sorry ), but keeping a relationship with extended family is n’t optional, no matter how many holes she burns in the photos with her suffering. Due fairness, let her weigh in on some plans. Another is to encourage her student travel as you put Family Travel on hold until all parties are willing to do so once more. It’s a risk, you’re staking everything on the hope those togetherness days will come again, which they may not. The passage of time wo n’t be denied. However, forcing the issue is n’t just a matter of wasted cash and toxic exposure to eye- rolling. It also serves as a form of silencing when used as entertainment. She is changing and growing, so why ca n’t your approach to travel (among other things ) change and grow with her? Respect is the kind of family value that can inspire grown children to travel with their parents throughout their lives, and that sets a tone of respect rather than capitulation. Once the cringing lets down, at least. Put aside some of those hard-won resources, and you might be able to treat your daughter while she ages leaner, along with any of her own family. I can rely on projecting that she’ll like you much better and be much more enjoyable than that.