Why Dating is But Hard for Gay Men in New York City: My Personal Journey

Living and dating in New York City as a homosexual person is like riding a roller coaster blindfolded. Exciting? Absolutely. Hard? More than you’d imagine. Fun? Yes…. but is the problem of dating value the reward? Unfortunately, I guess it is. Dating is a lot like a game—especially in such a motivated and dynamic city like NYC. When I first moved to NYC, I was overwhelmed by the sheer number of people. It felt like the entire world was condensed into this one area. The possibilities seemed infinite, and that was both amazing and debilitating. And that ’s just in the gay seeing world—I’m know it ’s yet more severe for homosexual dating. With so many possible partners when I first moved around, I found myself caught in the dilemma of choice, where having too many choices made it nearly impossible to live on just one person. That’s a prevalent problem with NYC’s dating field. There’s just too many choices. The fast-paced life below does n’t help sometimes. Everyone seems to be rushing from one session to another, managing demanding work and careers, cultural events, and personal interests. Finding day for marrying feels like trying to squeeze water from a stone. I’ll usually meet someone interesting, but our conflicting routines make it nearly impossible to match for second or third schedules, leaving tempting links to burn out before they even begin. Often one of us is traveling, or away for the weekend. Or occupied with week hour plans. Finding time is one of the biggest reasons why dating in NYC is but difficult. High objectives also play a major role. New York is a town of intellectuals and achievers, and that aggressive nature seeps into the dating scene around, too. It often seems like everyone has a schedule of requirements for their perfect companion, and while it ’s nice to have requirements, it usually feels like we’re all searching for rainbows. The sadness of no measuring up —or of people never meeting my own great standards—is a recurring theme. Therefore there’s the issue of impermanence. Individuals come and go from NYC regularly. I’ve had a few promising ties that ended immediately because he had to walk for a new career or decided, or just left because the NYC crush was just too much. The city ’s whirling door can make it hard to build anything lasting when the prospect often seems so uncertain. The richness of the dating share in NYC is another double-edged weapon. On one hand, it ’s extraordinary to meet people from all walks of existence, but on the other, it can be challenging to find someone whose traditions, beliefs, and habits coincide with your own. The cultural melting pot that is New York means there’s always something new to practice, but it also means navigating a complicated web of variations. Another obstacle is, of training, the encounter society. With programs like Grindr and Tinder, casual contacts are increasingly the norm for homosexual dating. While there’s nothing wrong with that, it can make finding a significant relationship more challenging. Some people are more interested in the excitement of the fight rather than in settling down, which generally leaves me feeling like I’m looking for something that does n’t occur. There’s likewise the issue of the non-monogamous seeing life. I can’t show you how many people I swipe on in the dating software that are already in ties and only looking for fun. While my ideal relationship may or may not be an open relationship, I find it difficult to find partners looking for a committed relationships ( whether open or not ) because so many are already in their own and just looking for fun. Navigating societal circles in such a big city is also challenging. Breaking into established parties or finding fresh ones where I feel secure and accepted is more difficult than you might consider. Social occasions and gatherings are usually dominated by groups, making it hard to craft real connections. And making friends in your 30s is just not that simple any more. Financial strain adds a whole different layer of complexity to dating in NYC. The cost of living in New York is extremely high, and planning schedules that don’t break the bank became a problem. The economic pressure to maintain a certain attitude often overshadows the simple joy of getting to know people. Dating in and of itself is expensive: bars, restaurants, taxis and Ubers … it all adds up. Finally, there’s the dependency on engineering in the modern dating world. While homosexual relationship programs are a great way to meet people, they also make contacts think objective. Swiping left or right reduces prospective partners to simple patterns, stripping away the level of human relationship. Conversations generally stayed simplistic, making it hard to form a significant bond. Dating in New York City has been an extraordinary trip, full of highs and lows. Despite the difficulties of dating around, I’m also enthusiastic. It’s certainly a lot of fun meeting a variety of people in a lot of different circumstances. But maybe I’ll meet my long guy these too.